


our place under the cosmos;

by prouveyrac



Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, thomas sanders - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-09
Updated: 2018-02-09
Packaged: 2019-03-15 18:57:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13619631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prouveyrac/pseuds/prouveyrac
Summary: Logan found comfort in the cosmos. Typically. However, after their run-in with Deceit, he looked up and saw only the vast abyss.Luckily, he finds himself not alone.





	our place under the cosmos;

Logan found comfort in the cosmos. A skylight took up the ceiling in his room, mirroring whichever room Thomas currently resided in, and the sky doing the same for whatever it appeared outside.

But the stars- the stars were what Logan took solace in. A vast span of light and darkness combined together into one elegant wonder of knowledge to be explored. The length of the universe was so easily accessible to Logan; all he had to do was look up. Logan wasn’t the fanciful type, but even he could admit beauty when he found it.

The cosmos were Logan’s mediator. It stood where he usually did in arguments among the others, and listened as he did to the points being made. The only thing it could not do was speak back to him, but Logan didn’t need that. Logan, sitting under the skylight with his head craned up, did not come to his room to hear an ethereal voice fix his problems. He came here to work out the arguments he had with himself and contemplate the ideas and thoughts that ran through his mind.

The stars being there quieted him, rationalized him. He looked to the above and saw what he needed to to find reason. It was just him, his thoughts, and the stars. And that was enough.

Typically. Typically, it was enough.

Now, however, looking to the stars, all he felt was an unsettling confusion- the confusion of not knowing, but being unable to address what it was that one did not know.

_“What you don’t know can’t hurt you.”_

It was a lie. Of course it was a lie. It was coming from the mouth of Deceit, the literal embodiment of manipulation and dishonesty. If he said ten statements, nine of them were definitely false, and the tenth was debatable.

It bothered Logan then, but Logan stood up for knowledge then. With knowledge came power, with knowledge came security. Problems could easily be solved with an objective look at the obstacles and the acceptance of the knowledge needed to move forward.

So then why did Logan feel stuck? Why did it feel like there was a chain tethered to his core, keeping him where he sat?

Why was he doubting knowledge, the very essence of who he was?

No. No, he wasn’t doubting  _knowledge_ , per se, but more so the things that he did not know.

He looked up to the stars and saw ignorance. He saw a truth, barely yet learned, being smeared by lies and twisted words. He saw the lie being accepted as fact. The world being too big to accept the truth, the actual truth, once the falsehood had been ingrained into the minds of its inhabitants. There were those who did not question, those who accepted what they were given because either the current material did not matter to them, or they had no inclination to question; but what of those who did? What of those who questioned the false claim given to them, but found no truth? If there is no one to deliver the truth, then dishonesty wins. A lie becomes cemented in history and considered knowledge.

And then maybe, just maybe, that was when knowledge could hurt. There was knowledge in the world that no one had yet to obtain, and if one person was there to corrupt it, its fate was sealed. A lie could carry throughout history, slander some names and ellevate others.

Logan wanted to be the one to put an end to that. To make knowledge the safest place one could reside in. But he found himself fearing what he did not know, and how he might never know everything.

Of course, it was illogical to think that one could know every piece of knowledge in the universe. There was something new to discover every day. But with deceit in the doorway, Logan feared what would happen if it got in. If Deceit got a foot too far in the door.

A chill ran down Logan’s spine at the thought of Deceit so easily quieting him. Perhaps he already had a foot in.

Logan heard the light gust of wind that wasn’t really there and turned his head to see Patton with the hood of his cat onesie pulled over his head.

“Patton, hello,” Logan greeted. He had not expected guests in his room.

Patton had his eyes on the sky above them, the moonlight reflecting in his glasses. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” he beamed back at Logan. “It must be quite the sight every night.”

“Three rhymes in one sentence, impressive,” Logan noted, turning his gaze up. “And yes, it is magnificent.”

Patton sat down next to Logan, crossing his legs and tapping his fingers on his knees.

They sat in silence together for a few moments before Logan finally turned back to him. “Is there something you need, Patton?” he asked. After a beat, he followed with, “Not that I’m opposed to having you here. You can stay as long as you like. I just… did not expect you.”

“Well, you seemed a little off before, kiddo,” Patton started. “And then when you came in here, it was like I could hear you thinking from all the way in my room! So, I decided to come here and see if you were doing alright.” He smiled at him.

 _Kiddo_ , Patton’s word typically reserved for Thomas in a time of a crisis. Usually an emotional one. Logan, however, was fine. “I thank you for your concern, Patton, but I’m just thinking.” He _thought_ he was fine.

Patton stayed silent for a moment. “Logan, you don’t have to hide things from us. Not anymore, but you never had to.”

“I’m not hiding-” Logan then faltered and huffed out a breath, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. He knew what happened when they lied,  _who_  happened. And of course Patton would see right through him. “I have found myself thinking… thinking more than I usually do, that is.” Patton nodded on, encouraging Logan to continue. “I -it’s quite ridiculous, actually- I have been thinking of knowledge, and of course how it helps us, but… Deceit has caused me to consider other ways knowledge could be used, and how it could be manipulated.”

Patton nodded, looking back up and taking in what Logan said. Logan realized that he shouldn’t even be throwing all of this at Patton in the first place; he was the one Deceit decided to use as his disguise. Logan should be the one checking to see if Patton was alright, not the other way around. If Logan cannot be of a sound mind and be there for-

“It makes sense to be scared, Logan,” Patton said. Logan never voiced his fear, and yet Patton understood. “Deceit took all of us by surprise. It’s what he does best. He tried to… make all of you see and think what wasn’t actually there. Anyone would be scared of that.”

“Yes, but I am the logic here. I am the analytical one, the one who is supposed to disregard subjectivity when focusing on a situation and turn to objectivity. If I wish to remain so, I need to not be… scared,” Logan said.

“Falsehood,” Patton said, unable to hold back the giggle in being able to use Logan’s iconic phrase. “Everything you feel is valid, and does not take away what makes you, you. And besides, you should never hold back your feelings, Logan!”

“I’m not one for feelings, Patton, you know this,” Logan sighed.

“Logan, it’s unhealthy to keep everything inside, especially your feelings that… aren’t so happy,” Patton explained. “I would know, kiddo.”

Logan then shut his eyes, mentally kicking himself for being so insensitive. He rubbed his brow, huffing. “I apologize, Patton. I wasn’t thinking when I said-”

“I’m not looking for an apology,” Patton said and bumped their shoulders together. “I’m just saying all of that so that you can learn from my own mistakes. None of us should be hurting! You don’t have to instantly be okay with not being okay, but it’s a progress that we all can help each other with, help  _you_  with!”

Logan smiled at his friend before looking upwards again. “Very astute, Patton, I’m impressed.”

“Well, your room does that,” Patton said.

The familiar brush of wind was heard again. _Speaking of the others,_ Logan thought as he turned to see Roman.

“Hey Roman,” Patton beamed.

“Welcome,” Logan said as Roman looked around.

“I think your room actually got more nerdy,” Roman said, turning back to them. “And for someone so organized, I would think that your books would be neater.”

“I would think the same,” Logan agreed as Roman sat down with them. “However, I find that you can not enthusiastically sift through books  _and_ keep them neat at the same time.” He let out a soft laugh, brushing fallen hair out of his eyes. “How did you know to come here?”

“Well, you came here initially, obviously,” Roman began. “And then Patton was like ‘I need to go see if Logan is okay’ which myself and Virgil were like ‘okay?’ but then Virgil started to think that maybe something was up. I first thought that was because, well, y’know, it’s Virgil. But then I thought that maybe he had a point? You seemed less  _you_  than usual-” Roman flicked his hand in exchange for a better word, yet Logan understood what he was saying “so we discussed, and yes it was civil so there is no need to worry! And then we decided to come here..”

As if on cue, the fourth member rose up, looking utterly disheveled. Bangs hanging over his eyes, Virgil pressed his fingers to his temples. “I still don’t understand how you all do that every single time,” he muttered.

“You become used to it,” Logan said at the same time Patton called out, “Walk it off, Virg!”

When Virgil finally regained his senses, he approached them. “So, good to see that we’re all still being buddy-buddy without the need for an overwhelming emotional crisis,” Virgil said, sitting down with all of them.

“We  _are_  buddies!” Patton exclaimed.

Virgil then looked up at the stars. “And we’re all meeting under a vast abyss.”

“I think it’s beautiful,” Patton said.

Logan looked up. “I think it can be both,” he decided upon.

Virgil then turned to him. “Speaking of,” he said. Logan could hear the hesitation in his voice. “You… okay?”

Logan thought for a minute. To say that he was fine would not be the complete truth, and he did not want to feed into _that_  any longer. But he didn’t think he was stuck in an overwhelming crisis that needed immediate attention. He was just… in a rut. It was like Patton said: it was a problem that they can all help each other with.

“I found myself doubtful of certain things that I devote myself to,” Logan finally said. “Patton came, and we spoke about that, along with some… recent events.”

Logan didn’t need to specify what he meant by that. Everyone already knew.

“I do not like that guy,” Roman huffed.

“I really do not like that guy,” Virgil agreed.

“He used me to try to trick all of you, _plus_  he was in my spot the entire time,” Patton said. “He didn’t make a good impression when we met him, and he  _definitely_  didn’t make one for Thomas.”

“I must admit, though,” Roman said. “Despite the circumstances, acting alongside Thomas was quite fun!”

“You made a very good Joan,” Logan said. “A very good Joan playing various people who were not Joan.”

Roman grinned. “Thank you, Logan, I do try my best.”

“I’m just so sad that I missed it!” Patton frowned. “You know I love seeing your acting, Roman!”

“I give it a two out of five stars,” Virgil said and held up a hand before Roman could object. “Princey actually did fairly well -yeah, that’s right, no fighting here, _Roman_ \- some of the jokes could have been better, though. Thomas’ stories fell flat though, like the Mother’s Day one! What even was that?”

Logan couldn’t help but laugh and Patton said, “I still would have liked to see it.”

“Well, unfortunately for you, Pat, it was a one night only show,” Virgil said.

“One night  _joan_ -ly,” Roman quietly corrected.

They all then looked up. The night sky was clear, the stars perfectly visible in all their glory.

Roman then sighed, breaking the silence that settled. “I don’t mean to… bring the mood down, but now that he’s been mentioned… I don’t think our meetings with Deceit are finished.”

“We have to all work together,” Logan said. “Unlike other problems, I, too, do not think that this one- that _he_  will be one to disappear after that quick appearance. Now that Thomas is aware of him, we have to remain wary and band together. We do not know when he, or the others, will make their appearance again.”

Roman nodded. “Uh, Virgil?” he said, facing their friend. Virgil raised an eyebrow in response. “You know, well at least I  _think_  you do but, you know Deceit, along with the others, better than us, yes?”

Virgil sighed before blowing his bangs out of his eyes. “Unfortunately, I know them more than you guys do,” he said. “If Deceit showing up is any inclination, and it probably is, the others aren’t too far behind.”

Logan worried his bottom lip. The four of them had finally started to really smooth out any tension between them. With the appearances of these “dark sides”, as Roman dubbed them, everything they worked for will just be undone.

“Well, what can we do?” Patton asked.

Virgil stayed silent for a moment, looking up at the cosmos above him. “Remember this moment, because this might just be the most not-me thing to say,” he said. “But I think we just have to wait for them and… not really do anything unless called for. Now that Thomas is aware of Deceit, it’s easier to deflect him. Now that Thomas knows about this… dishonest side of him, we can fight against him and not fuel his power. However, with us all knowing about him and being able to freely talk of him, he’s stronger. Talking about him, being more aware of when we do or don’t tell the truth, it can just bring him around stronger. And when he’s here… when he’s with people that he can… manipulate and twist around, that’s when things turn bad. I would know.” Virgil huffed. “He doesn’t care who he hurts. He knows that we know that he lies all the time. He knows that he can look ridiculous when he’s lying and no one believes him. All he needs though is one person who does believe them, and that’s how he gets under their skin. What you don’t know  _can_  hurt you, and he uses that.”

“You would know,” Patton echoed, and they all could hear the unasked question in it.

Virgil shrugged. “Sorry to disappoint, I know we’ve all got trust established here, but I don’t think that’s something I’m ready to talk about, yet.”

“Oh, of course this is all at your pace, Virgil,” Logan assured.

“Yes, we would never pressure you into saying anything,” Roman said.

“We all waited so long to learn your name! After that, any amount of waiting is durable,” Patton beamed. “Besides, we’re all here for you when you want to open up, if you want to. We all got each other’s backs.” His eyes flicked towards Logan, and Logan smiled back at his friend.

Virgil nodded. “I can’t believe I said all of that,” he said. He then glared at Logan, though Logan felt no true heat behind it. “It’s your damn room, Logan. Making us all  _analytical_  and _logical_ and  _objective_  and  _every other damn word that you use_.”

“Virgil, watch your language!” Patton said.

“Patton, that is my clean language,” Virgil said, huffing out a laugh. “This is me trying.”

“Oh,” Patton said. “Well, then we appreciate that!”

“You know, we should go to my room!” Roman exclaimed. “There, we can talk about our dreams and live them out and it will be great! Imagine how many ideas the four of us can get out!”

“A ten hour ted talk all about the Library of Alexandria,” Logan said, smiling. “That would be my dream.” He was only half-joking.

The other three were silent for a moment.

“That’s my nightmare,” Virgil muttered.

“I changed my mind. We shouldn’t go to my room. Also, I think it’s my time to leave. You know, got… songs to sing,” Roman said, waving his hand around to fill in for excuses.

“Or I saw cookies somewhere,” Patton said. “We can all just find those.”

“Deal,” Virgil said, standing. “Anywhere but here. I can’t stand being so… thinking all the time. I do enough thinking on my own.”

“Being so thinking?” Logan smirked, standing up with the others.

“I know what I said, Specs,” Virgil said, jutting a finger in his direction before turning to Patton. “So, Patton, hypothetically, where did you see them?”

All Patton had to do was get the word “kitchen” for Virgil to sink out.

“This is so exciting,” Roman grinned. “We’re all here and together and there is no external or internal conflict to bicker about!”

“It’s a miracle,” Logan smiled.

“Well, on that note, we’ll try not to eat them all on you two,” Roman said before sinking out.

Patton, the only one remaining, then turned to Logan. “So, you okay?”

Logan thought for a moment. “I will be,” he finally said.

Patton smiled and nodded. “You know we’re all here for you, Logan. You don’t always have to be the analytical, stolid one.”

Logan smiled back at his friend. “I know.”

Logan decided that perhaps it is better to deal with his internal conflicts with his friends, instead of working through them on his own. It was easier this way.

**Author's Note:**

> i originally was only going to keep this on tumblr but i decided, hey, it's almost 1am, why not post it here, too!!!
> 
> main blog: actuallygansey.tumblr.com  
> side blog: ethospathoslogan.tumblr.com


End file.
